I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
