everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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