You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
