He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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