The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
