Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
40s are totally the cure
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
