rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
