I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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