Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
