Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
