is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
