and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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