I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
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