I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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