She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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