Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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