im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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