Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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