Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
