I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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