You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
