Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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