Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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