we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
