hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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