My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
