Capitaan dildo arrescate!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
