My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I love you.
Bad choice
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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