i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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