Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
