I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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