So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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