Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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