Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
