Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
