we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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