I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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