atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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