He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
