Well apparently he's into motor boating.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
50% drunk capacity currently
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
