I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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