i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
