M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
