I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
