I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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