The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
