I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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