well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
