There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
