census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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