she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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