i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
