You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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