the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
