He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
