I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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