DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
