I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
