You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
