I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
