I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
