I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
