let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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