You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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