Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
