I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
