I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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