Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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