That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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