My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
