How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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