I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So apparently I’m into choking now
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