He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
