I could make wine with my vomit
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
