Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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