I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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