Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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