So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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