It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wear drunk well.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
