you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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