my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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