Where are you?
In a non slutty way
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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